AVOID LIBERAL USE OF THE FOLLOWING ON YOUR ACCOUNT FOR OPTIMUM RESULTS:

1. #HASHTAGS #for #fucking #everything

#If #your #tweets #are #all #hashtags, #chances #are #noone #is #following #you #much.

2. BLIP MANIA - All blips, all the time. You like music. How cool. Maybe you should go listen to it and disconnect Twitter.

3. FORMSPRING NEEDS TO DIE NOW - There’s only so many questions people are going to ask. Stop asking yourself questions. Most of us can sniff out a fake question answered a mile away. No, you don’t need to tweet all of your fucking answers. Yes, you have that option.
Also included:
XBox achievements
Facebook or anything else that automatically spews out an update when you sneeze. [COUGH] TUMBLRSPAM [COUGH]

4. LINKHOUNDS - Links to everything and anything, but completely unrelated. All links. You astound and baffle me with your assortment of interests. I’d have to trust you so much more to click your links.

5.” What do I eat for dinner” tweets.
If you need to take a poll on what to eat, you need more help than any of us are qualified to provide. Ask the linkhound above.

6. T.M.I. TWEETERS - So you love to do bad things to your gonads while wrapped in plastic sandwich wrap in the shower. Do the world a favor and protect your tweets with a big fat WTF Advisory.
Also included:
Shitter Tweets
Vomit tweets
Cat puke tweets

7. YELP tweets - You’re checking into ABC hotel? I’ll send my stalker right over.
Also included: FOURSQUARE - Mayor of the Burger King bathroom? You’re proud of this? Did your parents not let you win at Monopoly as a kid?

8. THE BROADCASTER - you tweet about yourself, all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. No responses. Are you fucking Oprah? Even OPRAH SHOULD ANSWER. She can afford to hire people to answer some of her @’s for her.

People - Learn to fucking Twitter.

Inspired by this post by Tony Noland.